Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Just puked most of my soul out..
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
