I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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