I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize