Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
