Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
