You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
