wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
