Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
