Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
