She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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