Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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