every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
