If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I enjoy the company of your penis
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
