he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
