I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
