margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
