Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
