I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
