i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Randomize
