I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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