You really coming over, don't trick.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
