I saw his package. It spoke to me.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
