sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
