Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
