I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
