so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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