my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
there's paper in my vomit.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Never underestimate the power of titties
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
