Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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