I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
