Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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