I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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