Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
