I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
