The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
