Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
