i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
