Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
