Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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