Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
