I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
