someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
