Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
