then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
