i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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