someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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