glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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