Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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