i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
