i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
