Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
