just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I could fuck to npr.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
