can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
