Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
