are you still at the devil's house?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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