If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
