youre lurking in front of me
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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