i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
