Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
