Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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