I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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