thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We talked him into tasing himself.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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