Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
