that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Randomize
