First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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