these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
my phone needs a breathalizer
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize
