I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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