im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
