she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
