Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
