I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
